It’s Thanksgiving – America’s national holiday to celebrate the harvest and blessings of the past year and to commemorate the 1621 harvest feast between the Pilgrims and Native Americans.  These days Thanksgiving is a day for families and friends to come together from across town or across the country for a traditional (or nontraditional) Thanksgiving feast, to share what we’re most thankful for, and to watch football.  Thanksgiving is so often a memorable time of gastronomic and napping bliss, but sometimes the holiday can be filled with polarizing, put-up-your-dukes, powder keg moments.

One major reason Thanksgivings can quickly turn sour is because of political differences.  The NIH in a 2020 study found that “politically-diverse” Thanksgiving dinners were 35–70 minutes shorter than “politically uniform” ones.  This represented, according to the NIH research, a 14–27% reduction in overall dinner duration.  Talk about “I hate to eat and run.”

Our Division is Getting Worse

According to Pew Research, Democrats and Republicans are ideologically farther apart today than ever before over the past 50 years: “Democrats on average have become somewhat more liberal, while Republicans on average have become much more conservative.”

Our opinions of one another have gotten worse in the last five years too.  Each party increasingly considers those in the other party as close-minded, dishonest, immoral, unintelligent, lazy, or all of the above. 

The Breakdown of Civility

Beyond our increasingly differing political ideologies and negative opinions of one another, American culture has devolved into incivility. A 2016 survey on civility in America from The National Conference of State Legislatures found that 70 percent of respondents believe that incivility in the United States has risen to crisis levels.  Moreover, incivility has accelerated through cancel culture, where people and groups aim to ostracize people socially and professionally for divergent, socially “unacceptable” views or actions.

Our politicians have become increasingly uncivil towards one another too.  Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo), former chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus, agrees: “Republicans sit on one side of the floor, we sit on one…The only time I see a Republican is when I come up here (to the Capitol) to vote. Or go to a committee hearing. That’s probably the biggest reason things have turned nasty. All of the incivility, all of the difficulty working together.”

Cleaver went on to explain what he believes is at the root of the issue:

“Washington used to be a parochial town. Living here helped members of Congress build the kinds of relationships that helped them govern. They played golf and went out to dinner together with their families on weekends. In this bipartisan bonhomie, everybody knew everybody.”

Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo)

Congressional productivity has steadily declined over the past three decades too. According to Pew Research, the congresses between 1989 – 1998 averaged 352 substantive laws whereas the last decade averaged only 238 substantive laws (between 2011 – 2020).

The Solution Starts with Civility

The solution to America’s division starts with civility to one another.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Romans 12:18 ESV

The Apostle Paul in Romans 12 lists the marks of the true Christian: abhorring evil and holding fast to what is good; loving one another with brotherly love; outdoing one another in showing honor; and many other convicting and challenging statements.  But then he encourages readers to “live in harmony with one another,” “repay no one evil for evil,” and “if possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Living in harmony and in peace is not always possible, but it should be our aim.

George Washington, America’s first president, also believed civility was critically important.  His first rule in “Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation” states that “every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.”  A more contemporary advocate, the Institute for Civility in Government, further expounds:

“Civility is more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions and teaching others to do the same. Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreement.”

In 2018, Rep. Cleaver famously refused to join 40 House Democrats in boycotting President Donald Trump’s inauguration.  Cleaver attended “out of respect for the peaceful transfer of power” even for someone he likely greatly disagreed with.

Civility does not mean compromising values or that agreement is certain or required. And aiming to live peaceably does not mean compromising or even remaining silent political viewpoints or teachings of scripture.

Practice Civility this Thanksgiving

Like the football we’ll be watching this Thanksgiving, politics is a contact sport.  American politics will always be divisive because democracy in its nature is a division of people into ideological groups for political control.  We will disagree and compete to win, but we need to shake hands after the game.  We may never agree politically or ideologically, but we can build effective relationships one disagreement at a time.

This Thanksgiving is an opportunity to practice civility.  Focus on areas of common interest with family and friends. If attending a “politically-diverse” Thanksgiving meal, then practice civilly discussing the current political climate.  Or perhaps just watch the NFL football games or step outside and throw a football to engage in some friendly competition. And shake your opponents’ hands after. Start small. End civilly. So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all this Thanksgiving.